


Stargate SG-1 Five Things Ficlets

by Tarimanveri (Monksandbones)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 5 Things, Dream Sex, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, Inside jokes, Promotions, Retirement, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 01:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monksandbones/pseuds/Tarimanveri
Summary: Reposts of five things ficlets originally written in 2007–2008 for SG1_five_things. Mostly teamy goodness and fluff, with a few dashes of angst.





	1. Five ways Mitchell got even with SG-1 for stealing his pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to the SG-1_five_things community in June, 2008.

**1.** He didn’t. In addition to the times he’d lost his pants perfectly legitimately thank you very much, it took him twice more to suspect there might be a conspiracy afoot, and a third time for him to be sure. His team might look innocent, but his pants hadn’t gotten up and walked out of his tent by themselves. Besides, after they’d all searched the camp for half an hour and Sam and Daniel had spent another half an hour explaining exactly why no, they absolutely could not go back to the SGC, get him a new pair of pants, and bring them back so just so he could walk into his own damn base with a shred of dignity intact, Sam didn’t look quite innocent enough. And when they got back to the ‘Gate and his pants were hanging down from the top of the ring, flapping gently in the morning breeze, Vala looked a little too innocent and Daniel a little too surprised, and Teal’c’s reaction was so perfectly convincing that he knew it had been a team effort. He thought back on the first two times, and realized this might just be turning into a thing. And if the rest of SG-1 felt like they were ready to have a thing they did just to mess with him, well, he wasn’t going object to that.

**2.** He didn’t. For once they hadn’t stolen his pants, per se. It was more that he’d been the one unlucky enough to get attacked by the giant spiky cross between a porcupine and a small dinosaur on P4K-982, and they’d been the ones to cut his pants off so they could get a better look at the six-inch quills stuck halfway into the side of his ass and hip. But Vala held his head in her lap and stroked his hair while Teal’c held him in place, Sam administered the really good drugs, and Daniel wielded the scissors, so he didn’t mind the loss so much. Plus, an assful of giant space porcupine quills trumped the embarrassment of walking back through the ‘Gate pantsless, and pants weren’t so important anyway when you were riding a stretcher. One day he might even forgive Daniel for the steady stream of information he kept up on the way back to the ‘Gate about pre-modern medicine and how they’d have gone about removing those quills in a time before anesthetic.

**3.** He didn’t. He managed to muster up what he really hoped could pass for a death glare, but that was all. Because when Sam Carter, the hottest officer in the US Air Force, to say nothing of saving the galaxy, was standing there with her arms crossed and looking him up and down, smirking at his underwear like she’d personally arranged to test the newly developed remote beaming technology the day he’d accidentally picked up a locator beacon and put it in his pants pocket, it wasn’t time to contemplate revenge. It was time to contemplate death. Swift death, if she noticed him getting hard. Or maybe not death, when she whistled, grinned, and dragged him off. He hadn’t realized the hangar even had storage closets, but no revenge could have been as satisfying.

**4.** He didn’t. After a couple of years on the Odyssey, even practical jokes weren’t fun anymore. After fifty years on the Odyssey, he began misplacing his pants on a regular basis or forgetting to put them on before he came to breakfast. At first the rest of his team had to explain why they found it so funny. Then it stopped being funny, even though he still forgot them.

**5.** He didn’t. He might, however, have prodded Daniel into a tangent on the cultural significance of pants during their negotiations with the kilt-wearing Broerec’h. Their new allies had welcomed the naquadah generators and antibiotics, but the SGC hadn’t anticipated their sudden desire to have pants as part of the trade agreement. When SG-1 left, the heads of four of the most powerful clans of the planet’s council of clans escorted them to the Stargate wearing the team’s pants under their kilts, and the head of the fifth most powerful clan had Vala’s pair (which had been too small) draped over his shoulders. With the confidence born of practice, Cameron held his head high as he and the rest of his team stepped pantsless though the gate and arrived, still pantsless, back at the SGC.


	2. Five times Sam dreamed about Daniel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She dreamed that she opened her door and he was there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at SG1_five_things in 2007, reposted with some tiny edits.

**1.** When she read the report from the first Abydos mission. He’d walked in and opened the Stargate, something she hadn’t managed to do in years of research, and then he’d died on another planet in the blast that had closed the universe to her. She dreamed of him, although she’d never seen him alive, incinerated, traced out on the desert sand or inside the pyramid like the shadow of a nuclear bomb victim, and woke up tangled in her bedding. Three hours of late-night TV later, the sun was rising and she still couldn’t erase the image from her mind.

 **2.** After they saved the world. There had been a moment, crouched together behind the ‘Gate on the mothership. She dreamed that he pulled the detonator from her unresisting grasp and slid his hands into her hair under her hat and kissed her, hungry and desperate and pinched with grief as he fumbled with his pants and moved in her. He came speaking Sha’re’s name against her lips. Then she was watching the ship explode again from her glider, and she woke up, feeling desperate herself and hopelessly horny, and wondering what terrible things a dream like that said about her.

 **3.** While he was dead. Again and again, she dreamed that she opened her door and he was there, waiting for her on her deck or on the sidewalk outside her house. Sometimes his hands and face were bandaged like they had been at the end. Sometimes his eyes flashed and his voice deepened. Sometimes he wore his favorite sweater. No matter how he looked, Sam always slammed the door in his face. But one night, she dreamed that her doorbell rang, and she was halfway out of her bedroom before she woke up enough to realize what she was doing.

 **4.** After Ry’ac’s wedding. Pete was visiting from Denver and snoring softly next to her, but she dreamed of Daniel. He had flowers in his hair and a garland of them around his neck, and she was waltzing with him in the ‘Gate room, as more and more dancing couples poured in through the open wormhole. General Hammond and Teal’c arrived, arm-in-arm, then General O’Neill with Marge Simpson. Major Matt Mason was due to arrive with Barbie any moment when Pete poked her awake and told her that she’d been singing in her sleep, which was cute, but could she stop?

 **5.** On the Odyssey. She was sleeping less and less as she got older, but sometimes she still dreamed herself out of her bubble of time and into the endless universe. She dreamed she was in the cave on Abydos with Daniel. He was earnest and eager, as he’d been when she first met him, bright-eyed behind his glasses, but this time neither of them could decipher the symbols on the walls. For the few irrational moments it took her to wake up and shake off the dream, she hated Vala for taking Daniel and his mind away from her.


	3. Five headaches SG-1 gave George Hammond (which he was finally able to laugh about at his retirement party)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But it had been one hell of a headache...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at SG1_five_things in September, 2007.

**1.** During General George Hammond’s tenure at the SCG, some personnel had been better known for their caffeine dependency than others. Doctor Jackson, for instance, was legendary for sheer rate of consumption, and then-Major Carter had a well established reputation for picking up and drinking whatever was in the mug next to her while she was working, with no consideration whatsoever for temperature, freshness, or even, on one or two memorable occasions, for what substance the mug contained. George, on the other hand, had once liked to think he was more circumspect in his devotion. Then had come three days of an escalating headache that led him to the infirmary, prescription painkillers, and a precautionary CT scan, before he realized that someone – and he had a pretty good idea of now-General O’Neill’s taste in pranks – had switched his coffee for decaf. He knew, laughing about it in his kitchen with the four original members of SG-1 as they helped him with the final preparations for his retirement party, that he should have appreciated the humor sooner, but it had been one hell of a headache.

 **2.** In George’s experience, there was a point of maximum inebriated hilarity at most parties, after which either the alcohol ran out or the dedicated drinkers began their slide toward unconsciousness and the not-so-dedicated drinkers finished their last drinks. It was just at that point during his retirement party that someone, who had been at the SGC long enough to remember back that far, brought up the time Teal’c had attempted to have a pizza delivered to him on base. As George remembered it, the guards outside the complex had called NORAD, and NORAD had called him. The whole thing had ballooned into a migraine-inducing operation complete with emergency security clearance, armed escorts and one extremely nervous seventeen-year-old delivery girl, but Teal’c had gotten his pizza. George looked around the crowd for Teal’c, worried that he’d be offended, but Teal’c merely inclined his head serenely and made his way over to offer his thanks for the extreme pains George had taken to permit him to experience that particular aspect of Earth culture. At that point, George felt free to chuckle to himself over the memory of the delivery girl and her four guards and Teal’c solemnly receiving the pizza box at the door to his quarters.

 **3.** Shortly after the incident with Jolinar and the ashrak, George had been at the Pentagon for a meeting with the Joint Chiefs. He had no idea how General Carter had found out about his daughter’s injury, but Jacob had waylaid him in the hallway after the meeting, grabbed him by the lapels, and demanded to know how the hell Samantha could possibly have been so seriously injured in the line of duty doing deep-space radar telemetry. George hadn’t been able to give any answer to satisfy or reassure Samantha’s irate father. He’d nursed the resulting headache all the way back to Colorado Springs. He wasn’t sure why he ended up telling Colonel Carter about it at his retirement party, but she laughed, and he did too, although it wasn’t much of a laugh, with Jacob gone. Sam might laugh at her overprotective father, but for himself, George knew that until he saw the stars pinned on her shoulders and her field career behind her, he was never going to rest much easier than Jacob once had, knowing the risks she routinely ran. He laughed, not at the helpless concern of fathers, but because Sam did, and because he was still certain, seven years later, that had they not both been generals in a very public hallway in the Pentagon, Jacob Carter would have punched him then and there for failing to protect his daughter.

 **4.** George knew the atmosphere at the party was going to start leaning dangerously toward maudlin when one of the longest serving of the infirmary nurses brought up Doctor Jackson’s ascension in the category of “weirdest shit a general ever had to deal with.” He noticed Daniel edging toward the kitchen and Colonel Carter and Teal’c edging toward Daniel, and caught General O’Neill’s eye and knew that he knew as well. Jack made a quip about the category of “so weird the Air Force didn’t even have a form to be filled out for it.” Trying to lighten the mood, no doubt, but George couldn’t help it. He cracked up, laughing uncontrollably, because paperwork… there had been reams of paperwork. There had been more paperwork than Jack could possibly imagine. He’d simply chosen to spare SG-1 the pain, and had taken it all with him to the infirmary and filled it out himself in consultation with Doctor Frasier, Jonas Quinn, and a bottle of industrial-strength Tylenol for the splitting headache it had given him. When he stopped laughing and could breathe again, George waved away demands for an explanation of his outburst. He accepted a concerned beer from Siler and told his guests again what an honor and a pleasure it had been to work with them, which distracted everyone, himself included, from everything they’d sacrificed to the Stargate.

 **5.** Colonel Jack O’Neill had been giving George Hammond headaches since the very first time he laid eyes on him. After Jack had been escorted out of the ‘Gate room to the cell where Kawalsky and Ferretti were being held, that very first night, George had gone back to his office and pulled his emergency supply of acetaminophen out of his desk. Years and innumerable bottles of assorted painkillers later, General O’Neill was the last guest left at George’s retirement party. George ushered Jack into the kitchen and replaced the last few bottles of beer on the table with a bottle of scotch. Then, from his bathroom medicine cabinet, he brought out his last bottle of Ibuprofen and set it down in front of Jack. Jack took it in and turned his intense gaze on George. “Was it worth it, sir?” he asked. George picked up the bottle, tossed it into the trash, and smiled broadly at one of the finest officers and finest men he’d ever had the privilege to command. “Absolutely.”


	4. Five ways it ALL ended happily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Ori defeated and relative tranquility reigning in the Milky Way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at SG1_five_things in 2007.
> 
> Original author's note: As is probably pretty obvious, I wrote these before I saw either "Dominion" or "Unending," hence the optimism as regards the imminent defeat of the Ori and the lack of recognition of the ongoing Goa'uld problem. Still, at an indeterminate time in the future...

**1.** With the Ori defeated and relative tranquility reigning in the Milky Way, Jack and Teal’c, with the enthusiastic assistance of Sergeant Walter Harriman, the ‘Gate technician, set in motion a plan they’ve cherished since they were caught in the time loop six years previously. The first annual invitational interplanetary golf tournament tees off from the base of the ramp at Stargate Command and snowballs from there, quickly becoming known to its participants as “Fairway to Heaven” and expanding in its second year to include the Pegasus galaxy. The annual Intergalactic Invitational becomes something of a bureaucratic nightmare for the Pentagon and the IOA (although the SGC doesn’t mind the extra work), but as it happens, the tournament continually provides such a boost to Earth’s off-world public relations that they can’t shut it down. Besides, competitive sports turn out to be remarkably effective in uniting the fractious Jaffa and in promoting friendship between suspicious neighbours across the ‘Gate network.

 **2.** Sam gets promoted to full Colonel shortly after SG-1 defeats the Ori, and after several further years of exemplary service, to General. The promotion isn’t much of a surprise to anyone, including Sam. General Hammond gives the speech and General O’Neill is there right where she expected him to be, pinning a star on her shoulder. What she didn’t expect was that Ferretti, from her first trip through the ‘Gate and now a Colonel, would be there too, pinning the star on her other shoulder. She basks in the warmth of O’Neill’s proud “Congratulations, General,” but it’s Ferretti’s “I think if anyone deserves this it’s you, General, and I just wanted you to know that” that makes her stand up that little bit straighter as she salutes.

 **3.** SG-1 is still verifying reports and tying up loose ends when the SGC receives a transmission from Langara reporting that the Ori have disappeared and that the resistance, led by Jonas Quinn, has set up a provisional government. A few months later, when the political situation on Langara is stable, Jonas visits the SGC. He is overjoyed to see Teal’c again, and he turns out to get along like a house on fire with Vala. The three of them, Jonas, Teal’c and Vala, take a wild, weeklong road trip to Vegas “to suitably celebrate the culture of our allies, the Tau’ri.” They refuse to divulge any details of the trip upon their return, but as the years go by, they gather periodically in undisclosed locations to commemorate it.

 **4.** A month after the defeat of the Ori, Cassandra Frasier graduates from her college’s ROTC program. A few weeks after that, Daniel is sitting in his office doing research for some preliminary briefing or other when Jack appears in the doorway, Cassie in tow. Daniel had no idea Cassie had requested a posting at the SGC, but she’s there reporting for duty. He’s inclined to voice his suspicion that Jack had a hand in keeping the whole thing from him, but Cassie is describing how she struggled with her decision to apply for the post at the SGC: how she considered choosing to serve her adoptive country wherever it needed her on Earth before deciding it would be more honorable to serve her country by serving her adopted planet. He is so proud of her, SG-1’s collective adopted daughter, standing at Jack’s side in her dress blues and lieutenant’s bars, that for once, he’s at a loss for words.

 **5.** Three weeks to the day after they defeat the Ori, Cameron, Daniel, Sam, Teal’c and Vala are lined up in the ‘Gate room in their full gear, ready to embark on their next mission. Teal’c is on loan from the Jaffa nation and Cameron is once again looking through personnel files for a replacement for Sam, who has been promoted and reassigned to Atlantis, but for now, they’re all back from their well-deserved downtime, and there are thousands more planets out there waiting to be explored.


End file.
